Bart the Cattle Buyer


Found these stories about Bart the Cattle Buyer from CattleRange.com and thought I would share. Enjoy the laugh this morning!

The washing machine at Bart’s house had a meltdown and his wife replaced it with a new washer/dryer combination leaving them with a dryer still in good working condition. Bart asked his wife, “What are you going to do with the old dryer?

She responded, “I’m going to put a sign on it saying ‘In Good Working Condition – Take It If You Need It’ and set it out on the lawn next to the street. There’s bound to be a young couple just starting out that can use it.”

However, a week later the dryer was still out on the lawn and Bart decided it was time to work his magic. He told his wife, “Twenty years of tradin’ cattle has taught me all there is to know about people and marketing. Asking nothing for something tells people it’s worth nothing. Watch the master and learn.”

Bart proceeded to change the sign to read, “Outstanding Dryer with Lots of Years of Dependable Service Remaining. ONLY $99.95”

When he got home that evening, he noticed the dryer was gone so he entered the house and triumphantly asked his wife, “Who’s the best and why am I ? Tradin’ dryers is no different than tradin’ cattle. How much did you get for it ?”

With a smirk on her face, she said, “Nothing.”

Bart exploded, “What did you do? Give it away when you had a cash customer?”

Trying her best not to laugh, she answered, “I have to hand it to you, Bart — You really know people and marketing. Someone stole it.”

The sale was over and Bart and his associates congregated at a nearby watering hole. They slid some tables together and it was bedlam with people coming and going and all talking at the same time. A cell phone rang and Bart snatched it up, engaged the hands-free speaker-function and answered. Everyone at the table stopped talking to listen.

Bart: “Hello”

Woman: “Honey, it’s me. Is the sale over?”

Bart: “Yep”

Woman: “I’m at the mall and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Can I buy it?”

Bart: “Sure… Go ahead if you like it that much.”

Woman: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership. I saw one I really liked.”

Bart: “How much?”

Woman: “$65,000”

Bart: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $700,000.”

Bart: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but only for $650,000.”

Woman: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

Bart: “Bye, I love you,

Bart ended the phone call and there was complete silence as everyone stared at him with astonishment and awe. Bart held up the phone and innocently asked, “Anyone know who’s phone this is?”

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